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How to Make Your Move Easier on Your Family
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People generally have two kinds of needs during a home purchase. First are the transactional needs, such as searching for a home, obtaining financing, negotiating the terms of purchase, completing paperwork and legal documents, and arranging the move. The second are emotional needs that are involved in a home purchase, which can be where the most stress occurs in a home purchase. The following are just a handful of tips to help you and your family ease the stress of moving.
· Prepare your children
Although you may have lived in your current residence for just a few years, the same few years can be half the lifetime of a seven- or eight-year-old, and can include all the years he or she can remember. Your current residence may be the only home your children have ever known, where they feel safe and comfortable. It may be the center of your children’s world.
Be sure to announce the move in a completely positive way. You might talk about how beautiful the neighborhood is and how good the schools are. Bring your children to the new house, if you live close enough that it is possible to do so. Otherwise, positively describe the new house. Find out what your children's favorite things are in your current home, and then try to re-create them in the new home. Keep your children actively involved in the process. For instance, don't just promise that they can decorate their new rooms, but take them shopping for paint, bedspreads, carpets, and other items that will make the experience more fun and comforting.
Your children are bound to have worries, fears, and sorrows during the move. They may be moving away from friends and family they have known their whole lives. Find ways to make parting pleasant. You can plan a going-away party and let your children invite their own guests. Take pictures of everyone and create a photo album. If your children are old enough, allow them to take pictures of the neighborhood that they will want to remember.
· Gain knowledge
You may feel a sense of being out of control, as though other parties to the purchase transaction are running the show and you're merely getting in their way. Your mortgage company, the appraiser, the inspector, and the seller all have certain powers to approve or disapprove of your overall plan to purchase this home and move successfully. This is certainly not easy!
Although this can feel stressful, one of the best things you can do for your own peace of mind is to understand as much of the purchase process as possible. Your Realtor® will be able to prepare you for unknowns ahead of time and tie down loose ends as soon as possible.
· Trust the process
There can be so much to do that it's easy to panic. It may feel like you're taking a big risk, but the truth is that you're initiating a big opportunity for you and your family. Even though you can't predict what will happen every step of the way, your Realtor® helps people buy and sell homes as a profession! Your Realtor® has been there before and understands that this is a major upheaval in your life. Trust that your Realtor® is looking out for you on your way to a successful closing and move.
· Be flexible
Knowing that your Realtor® will do everything possible to prepare you for the various processes involved in your home purchase, and will tie up those loose ends quickly and efficiently, it's important for you to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect world. The property inspection may reveal areas of concern, or closing may be delayed for some reason. Try to take a deep breath and be flexible in your thinking. You will have a much greater chance of making your decisions based on logic and not high emotion.
· Seek entertainment
Whenever you feel that things are spinning out of control, find a diversion! Take a walk around your new neighborhood, go on a day trip out of town with your family, or take your family to a movie. Whatever diversion or outlet works best for you, this is a good time to engage in it! Remember to take one "move" at a time.
Making the Move Easy on the Kids -
Moving from one house to another is seldom easy and fun for adults and it can be especially troubling for the children. But if parents deal with their children's concerns and needs thoughtfully, much of that distress and discomfort can be avoided. Children see moves differently than their parent's do, and they benefit much less from the change in their comfortable routines, or so it seems at the time. Most often, a change in houses or communities heralds an important step forward for the adult members of the family. The family moves because Daddy or Mommy has a great new job or a promotion in reward for years of hard work. They move because financial success has allowed the purchase of a bigger and nicer house in a more costly neighborhood. They move because they can finally afford private bedrooms for each child and perhaps a pool in the back yard. In the 1990's, mobile and hard striving people typically lived in a house for about four years and then move on as their careers or fortunes allow. That short time span is only a small percentage of the life-to-date for a 30 or 40 year old, but the same four years is half the lifetime of an 8 year old, and it includes almost all the years he or she can remember. To a parent, this house may be only the place they have lived recently. They think of it as a way station on the road of life. To kids, however, it may be the only home they have ever really known. This is their house, the place they feel safe and comfortable and thoroughly at home. A house is much more than a roof and walls to a child. It is the center of his or her world. A move threatens to take that sphere away and leave something totally strange in its place. The familiar friends, schools, shops and theaters, the streets, trees and parks - all will no longer exist for them. Everything soon will be strange, and they will live in someone else's world. The impact of a move on a typical child starts about the time he or she first hears that Daddy has accepted a promotion, and often continues for about a year, until the new house becomes home, and memories of the previous place fade. It's not usually necessary to announce this big change to children immediately, although they must hear about it from you before someone else breaks the news. Most teenagers see themselves as adult members of the family, and will probably feel they have been left out if they don't hear everything from the first day. But it is probably not a good idea to tell toddlers and preschoolers until they have to know. There is no point in making them worry far in advance. Be sure to announce the move in a totally positive way. You might say how proud you are that Daddy's company has chosen him out of many other employees to manage a new office in Orlando. Talk about what a beautiful city Orlando is how good the schools are and how nice the people are. Tell truthful but very positive stories about how nice the new house will be. Ask them what the favorite things are in their lives now, and then try to make them happen in the new home. If the new home is too far away to allow a visit by the entire family after it has been selected, show the children pictures of it from every angle. Videotape it, if you can. You can also see if there is already a virtual tour of your new home that you can share with your family. Emphasize the positive views and be sure to include pictures of each child's new room. Try to name the house with some romantic description like "Oak Hill" for the big trees and the sloping lawn.
Sugar coating will help, but since children can quickly see the negative sides of most situations, every parent must plan to deal with their children's worries, fears and sorrows. The children will lose friends they may have known all their lives. They will leave behind their sports teams, their clubs and their dancing teachers. They will have to start over in a new place, making friends, becoming accepted and fitting into different groups. Younger children need protection from fear of the unknown. Listen carefully to their concerns, and respond quickly to allay their apprehensions. It would be normal, for instance, for a young child to worry that his or her toy box and shelf of stuffed animals might be left behind. Find those anxieties and correct them. Probably the best tactic is to get the children actively involved in the whole process. Don't just promise to let them decorate their own rooms, for example. Take them to the paint store and let them bring home color swatches. Shop for bed spreads and towels and carpets. They must leave old friends behind, so find ways to make that parting almost pleasant. Plan a going-away party and let them invite their own guests. Take pictures of everyone and make a photo album. If a child is old enough, send him or her out with a roll of film in the camera and the assignment to photograph the views they will want to remember. Some relationships will be extremely difficult to break and these will demand careful, thoughtful, personalized planning by both parents. How, for instance, do you move a 17-year-old 1,000 miles from her steady boyfriend? Expect that your children may be even more distressed after the move than they were before it. The new house will not be beautiful the night after the moving van leaves, or for months after. The furniture won't fit the rooms. The curtains won't be up, and every spot on the floor will be covered with half-unpacked cartons. The children won't know anyone at school and, if you move during the summer, they may have little opportunity to meet anyone their age. You may be faced with many more problems in your new community that they will, but remember that you can handle them more easily than they can. They will need your help, and you should plan to give them the support they need. After the move, give each of them a long distance telephone call allowance so they can keep in touch with the people back home who matter the most to them. Buy a stack of picture postcards that show positive views of your new community, and encourage them to write good news messages to the friends and relatives they left behind. To make new friends, make sure the children don't vegetate in front of the television. Get them outside, where neighbors pass by. Have them pass out fliers to do baby-sitting or car washing. Encourage them to participate in as many school activities as they can handle. Get them on sports teams and into clubs. If they - and you - aren't making new friends fast enough, throw a housewarming party for yourselves and invite all the adults and children on the block. If serious emotional or attitudinal problems arise, however, help is usually available and probably should be sought. Ask a teacher for help. Consider professional counseling. Don't let a serious problem slide. Remember that the newness will wear off. New friends will become old friends and best friends. This new house may become the family homestead your grandchildren will visit every holiday season. There will be discomforts, but in the long run, everything will work out fine.
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